I believe one of the biggest reasons people fail to accomplish their goals in life is, “sideways energy”.  Somehow, we have to learn that you don’t have to say “yes”. This is an important principle. If you say yes to something, whether you know it or not, you’re saying no to something else.

And that something else may be more important. 

And it’s all a choice, your choice. You get to determine the outcome of saying yes, or saying no! You have the power!

If you’re honest with God, yourself and the mission you want to accomplish, then saying no becomes a beautiful thing.

Here’s why most people can’t say no.

• They don’t want to feel left out. What-ifs become haunting.
• They don’t want to let people down. (Ironic thing- they usually do let people down)
• They don’t know their mission. This is tragic, because time is the ONE thing you can’t get back in life.

Life seems so overwhelming, the to-do list is too long, the funds are too low and your energy level is entirely on empty.

The past two days that’s how I’ve felt. This creates deep frustration and aniexty. Especially when you’re addicted to progress, productivity and results. Consider me addicted, because I’m trying to solve problems that must be solved.

We must identify “why” we feel this way! Burnt-out people can’t live on mission, we can’t sustain what we are called to do if we’re on empty, confused and frustrated.

Last night I listened to my first Podcast in a LONG TIME. Jack Dorsey was sharing with Brad and Ken about starting Twitter and Square.

Some quotes (paraphrased) from Jack:

It’s complex to make something simple. My goal is simplify complexity.

There are so many things you COULD do.You must edit down to your mission’s core focus.

The reason for anxiety is quite simple, when you lead an organization or a team, it’s so easy to get lost in the chaos of life; setbacks and progress. Everything gets messy! It’s easy to be productive in the beginning, its much more complex to STAY productive while in the middle of a project. As Scott Belsky would say, we all hit a “project plateau” along the journey.

Going back to a few of Jack’s thoughts: If we’re going to stay on mission for decades, because it will usually take decades worth of work to see the changes we’re striving for, (at least in my line of work) then we have to somehow keep our mission focused and simple.

I’m confused because I say YES too much an NO too little. When you say NO to one thing, your automatically saying yes to that other thing, which is hopefully your core mission!

• Sometimes, in order to go forward you have to go backwards.
• Proper communication is vital. Too often we rush communications, and when we do that we create confusion and chaos.
• Leaders will always take the shots. Be prepared, stay humble and move forward.
• If someone is not criticizing you, then you’re not taking enough risks and you’re not creating the necessary change that is needed.
• Criticism is needed, it helps keep us centered. Live in the tension.
• I say it all the time, sideways energy is a death blow to start-ups.
• Systems and procedures can either hurt or help. A leader’s job is to ensure they’re helping!
• Rest and fun are essential and vital. It’s the fuel for great work.
• Not everyone will “get it.” Your vision needs a tribe that “gets it.” Focus on building that tribe and drown out the non-sayers!
• Everything is messy. Just because it looks good on the outside, does not mean it’s perfect on the inside. Life is messy, church is messy and non-profit work is messy. Embrace the mess!

When I was in corporate sales, whenever I could not close a deal, I would always critique my strategy. I would ask myself if I gave a passionate presentation, did I love my product, was I detailed-oriented, was I too pushy or not pushy enough. The most important critique, “Did I ask for the deal?”  The fact is most people are scared to ask for the deal, but here’s the truth; “people want you to ask.” 

If I’m not willing to ask, why would I expect people to be willing to give? If I don’t have the courage, I can’t expect them to have the courage.

We can’t make excuses, people want you to beleive in your vision more then anyone else. Think about it, even Jesus tell us to “ask..seek and knock.” So when no one supports your vision, when people say no, don’t blame the potential supporter or client. Look in the mirror and find a better way to present your dream, then ask for the support! 

1. Gotta love what you do. Of course I feel a calling to launch a non-profit that  fights global poverty. So this is easy for me. But I don’t always love the “inner-workings” of a non-profit. So I focus on the big picture. 

2. Remember you work “unto to the Lord.” I choose if I want to honor God with my work. My prayer is to focus and work hard, so each day can honor God. 

3. Accountability: I need to be held accountable, and as the leader for H.E.L.P. I have to hold others accountable. Scotty, Jeff and John G all volunteer for H.E.L.P.  and work other gigs. But they all love what we do, and we all want to do it well. (hence, the first two items on the list) So we all have to be  held accountable. In order for the organization to move forward, we all have to be clicking.

4. Grace: Fact-of-the-matter, when we drop the ball we have to walk in grace. We’re in this for the long-haul, so we have to find a delicate balance in managing expectations and understanding realties. 

5. Think Small: For me this is almost impossible. For instance, if you’re a church planter, don’t focus so much on how to get your church to a certain “number.” Instead focus on how to build the next-step. If you don’t have a core team, stop putting energy into trying to gather a crowd, pray and work diligently for the core team. Sometimes our personal ambitions get-in-the-way of Spirit-led leadership! Don’t worry about step seven when you’re on step two.

6. Follow-through: This is essential to working together on a team. I need to do better myself. But, if we’re going to be leaders with character, we MUST do what we say we’re going to do. The only way we can build trust as a team, is if we actually do the things we say we are going to do, in the time-frame we commit to doing them. I need to step-up and do a better job here. 

7. Don’t sacrifice your personal time with God. Its easy to feel so overwhelmed that we work hard, but pray little. Makes no sense if you really believe that God gives you the energy and grace you need to be effective. Yet, it’s so easy to just forget God and run-wild. 

8. Rest: Sometimes you gotta just stop, rest and relax. If God rested on the 7th day, I think maybe he was trying to communicate something to humanity. The more you rest the more work you’ll get done.

My wife attended many meetings with me in NC, some of those meeting got heated as we discussed philosophy, vision and calling. What happens when two leaders disagree? You debate and argue because it’s that tension that causes greater clarity. But my poor wife was stressed as she was not used to seeing people (friends) go at it for a lack of better words. 

Weak leaders want to control situations and they desire everyone to do what they want and when they want. They desire followers to help them accomplish their vision. 

Don’t get me wrong-some people challenge the process in all the wrong ways. They create conflict and lack clarity.  These types of people can do much damage to the health of the leader and organization as they continue to drain the energy of the leader. 

Great leaders want to challenge the process, they want people to disagree. They seek key info and important people to help them become better at what they do. If the leader lacks confidence he will surround himself with followers who will do what they are told to do. 

But what happens when leaders genuinely disagree with each other? 

1. Calling: You better know you’re called. If your called and you’re willing to die for a cause, then people will respect you even if they disagree with you!
2. Conviction: It takes guts to make hard decisions. When you have a conviction you can withstand times of uncertainty and disagreements. 
3. Team: You better have a team around you who can confirm your calling and conviction.
4. Admit Mistakes: Humility is such a key. When you screw-up admit it.
5. Argue with respect: Love each other and pray for one-another. If your goal is to just be “right” then you will be stuck in a place of non-growth.
6. Take the advice and connect it with other advice. Look for patterns that could emerge to help you make good decisions.
7. Affirm: When debating, disagreeing and confronting always affirm and give thanks. Anyone who is willing to tell you the truth in love is a friend you need. Hold them tightly.
8. Follow-Up: Send an email or note. Keep the leader/friend/advisor in the loop.

Anything else you would add?

I did enjoying hanging with some new friends yesterday and learning more about media and how to utilize it for HELP. Its good to hang-out with guys who are doing good things for the Kingdom of God.

A couple of nuggets from yesterday journey:

1. Patience: You can’t build a tribe overnight. It takes time to cultivate a community and create trust. 

2. Follow-up is key: If you create buzz and cause action…You have to follow-up for continual momentum. 

3. Simplicity: If you have a complicated process, folks will not engage. 

4. People want to help, you just have to create the right pathways and become a respected source.

5. Story: Becoming a master story-teller is vital. For me I need to master sharing the vision for HELP.

6. Learning how to communicate through various forms of media, such as Imagery, story, social media, written word, web etc. Seems important to engage on various fronts not just one or two. 

7. Always give people an easy “opt-out” when creating a tribe. Focus on those who want to take action, but make it easy for those who want out. 

I can probably say more, but I have this to-do list starting me in the face, which does not make me happy.

I say this often but I think it’s vital: If you’re going to be a great leader you have to be a learner. Seek people on the journey who will stretch you, grow you and challenge you. You won’t always agree, but it will cause you to grow and I think and that is always good.  My goal is to have a continual trajectory of learning.

My ultimate goal is not to get to technical. I leave plenty of wiggle room. But I always ask myself the following question:

“What needs to get done this week…And if It does not get done it will actually hurt the organization?”

After I ask that question I work backwards. Usually the list is really short. My goal is to have two or three big items; these items require most of my focus and demand a lot of energy throughout the week.  Once I have this info in place I can understand how my week will shape up. The most important thing is making sure I don’t get stuck doing all the things that don’t have to get done but will keep you busy. This is a killer to any great organization and will ruin one’s productivity in a heartbeat.